To love, or to be loved?

A former colleague sent SMS text message yesterday and asked me to get the newly published texts co-authored by Dad and a few other professors. I thought the plan of publication would not cease, but I really hope this can be his last published book so that he may enjoy his retirement after so many years of teaching, such behavior being good to others but not adding too much personal care, which has been what he lacked for years.

I don’t consider teaching from a negative point. Actually I view the job as a means of self-actualization and self-improvement, worth a person’s dedication and continuous investment. What I lost, or couldn’t keep when graduating, is my interest in English. Many people around have expressed their admiration or even jealousness that I am the son of a good professor who enjoys many resources and who can help me achieve much more than what I can obtain by myself. Of course such kind of achievements are what I desire(few can resist the temptation of a prof’s tenure when still very young). I didn’t follow him because English is not what I love.

I guess English language is my inherited gift, because even Dad got amazed by my occasional work. If it being possessed and utilized as people wish in addition to Dad’s assistance, I would have been the loved in local academia in as early as my twenties. But the question lies here----self-actualization via achievements as being loved, or as to love? I did make my choice ten years ago. And that’s what has been driving me all along, the desire to love. I prefer Marketing & Management and then followed a path full of difficulties, being unable to see the point/terminal where I could take a break(I have to admit the process is desperate and can almost drive me mad for a few times). Without any assistance, I have to love, a positive and proactive action, but it’s the destination I care and I choose.

To love, or to be loved, is not a question, and it has never been.

PS:

just don’t know what happened to MS Live Spaces yesterday evening. It is, anyway, recovered now suddenly and has been back after approximately ten hours of breakdown.